Vows: To Write, or Not to Write
A big question all couples have to face when having a traditional, fully-attended wedding is whether or not to write and speak their own wedding vows during the ceremony. Traditionally, wedding vows are not personal or written by the couple. Traditional vows are those small, biblical speeches most of us are familiar with and have heard a dozen or so times in movies, TV shows, and traditional weddings. It’s the “for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health” etc., etc. speech.
Many couples have shifted away from these traditional vows altogether, even if they do not plan on writing their own. Many opt for a more personal speech from their officiant to make the ceremony feel more unique or casual. But, whether or not you choose to share your personal vows aloud during the ceremony is completely up to you and your partner. So, the big question is whether to write or not to write.
The Barn at the Riverbend ceremony
There are many reasons couples choose to opt out of sharing their personal vows at their own wedding. The biggest reason is the pressure of public speaking.
If you or your partner are terrified of public speaking in any capacity, personal vows are not usually the way to go. You want your wedding day to be the least stressful it can be, and personal vows can put a lot of pressure on one or both parts of the couple. The day is already such a full, exciting schedule that the addition of speaking in front of all your family and friends can be one task too many. But not to worry! If you still love the idea of personal vows or just another form of exchanging affirmations from your partner, that can be arranged. Many couples choose to read each other their vows or promises in private, during the first look. This way, you can go into the ceremony with no nerves and sweet words from your future spouse.
Another reason couples choose to keep their personal vows private is the desire for that time to be intimate rather than shared with every wedding attendee. Some couples feel more comfortable being vulnerable with their words in a private setting. This way no outside expectation or censorship affects what your future spouse wants to share with you before the wedding. These private vows are sometimes a couple’s favorite part of the day. It’s one of the few times the couple is able to be alone and present with one another.
A bride and groom sharing vows before their ceremony at The Barn taken by Shelby York Photography
An 8th&Main couple sharing personal vows captured by Caitlyn Cloud Photography
While many couples save their vows for an intimate setting, other couples are most excited about the idea of sharing their promises in front of everyone. Couples who choose to share their vows during the ceremony feel confident they want everyone present at the wedding to share the moment. These are couples that feel comfortable being vulnerable in front of all their family and friends. It is not for everyone, but for those who feel comfortable with public speaking and vulnerability, it can be the best part of the day.
Choosing to share personal vows during the ceremony often becomes the attendee’s favorite part of the day as well. It is a beautiful way to connect and be personal with all the people who came to witness this huge moment in your life. It also makes the ceremony feel more personal and tailored to the couple, since they get a chance to speak. Many times family and friends do not know the officiant as well as the couple, so it is a nice touch to hear vows from the couple themselves.
Writing personal vows is very much a personal choice. Talk to your partner about the pros and cons of each to find which avenue is best for you as a couple. Either way, the goal is to feel loved and known on the day of your wedding, so choose whichever choice will serve you best as a couple!
A beautiful Mission Theatre couple taken by Jefferson May Photography